Several years ago when I was but a wee college freshman, my sister gave me some well-meaning advice. It was a common rhyming adage, "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker."
This is the very definition of a factoid. It's something that sounds like it should be true, especially because it's so simple and concise. All the same, it's what a drill sergeant trying to look good for TV cameras would call "bull-hockey". The order in which a series of drinks is imbibed has no discernible affect on the drinker's well-being. The fact is, drinking is something we have to learn to do, and the only true lesson is the hands-on variety. People get ruined on certain drinks because they're inexperienced and they drink it incorrectly. Like most animals, humans aren't immune to operant conditioning.
At the tender age of 19, I rendered myself incapable of ever consuming gin again. It's not just because I got drunk on the stuff, either. It's because I, in my infinite 19-year-old wisdom, decided to be cool and indulge in copious amounts of very cheap gin at a college party, sans ice or even so much as a solitary wedge of lime. Room temperature, cheap and unflavored is about as wrong as one can get in terms of drinking gin. So, I disqualified myself from ever understanding the stuff.
Of course, there are many spirits that have devoted drinkers who think they know everything there is to know, yet they still go about the process incorrectly. This gives certain drinks an undeserved reputation. I can't think of a single substance more misunderstood than Tequila.
Most people think tequila is a shooting drink, meant to be knocked back an ounce at a time on those nights when total annihilation is the goal. I'm going to let you readers in on a little secret: There is no such thing as a shooting drink. If your goal is to feel like hell a few hours after drinking, then by all means start doing shots. Otherwise, drink like an adult so you can wake up the next day without regrets. Tequila is possibly the worst spirit to shoot, anyway. Not all alcoholic beverages are the same. While their most active ingredient, ethanol, has the same series of effects on human physiology, even the strongest drinks hover around 50% ethanol by volume. The rest is taken up by water and other naturally occurring chemicals. In short, there's more going on in tequila than just alcohol and a pretty golden tint.
Tequila is made from agave, a desert plant pollinated by bats. In other words, it's not made from grain or sugar like the vast majority of alcoholic drinks in the world. The chemical uniqueness lends tequila an underlying complexity and indeed a peculiar personality. Tequila is far too complex to be downed in a rapid succession of shots. People treat it like a careless party animal, but what it really wants is to be cared for and understood. It has been miscategorized, fitting better into the sipping niche with scotch. There are so many varieties of tequila, each offering a different approach to the bouquet and palate. Some are light and fruity, some are harsh and salty. Most drinkers never know this because their experiences with tequila place the drink on their tongues for all of a half-second.
So, next time you've got a taste for tequila, or if you just want to enjoy a new flavor experience, try sipping tequila. There are a lot of places that do tequila flights, giving the drinker a tour of different levels of quality and different dominant tones in Mexico's finest product. This spirit deserves more than to be chased with lime juice or buried in a Margarita.
